You’d think that football clubs could afford to pay someone to check their grammar, when they spend millions on players, many of whom earn over £10,000 per week. Give me a mere £500 a week and I’ll do the job! Surely hearts might beat more strongly if they were backed in a grammatically correct way – a positive inotropic effect?
Well, if you can’t beat them, perhaps you should join them. I was delighted to find this Football Gobbledygook Generator, which equips me to enter any of the local football bars and pass myself off as a diehard fan. Here’s what I think: ‘The pundits have written us off since day one but we worked the channels well and got our just desserts and it’s a game of two halves and there can only be one winner.’